20 Questions

A few days ago, I posted this picture on Instagram.

What's funny to me is how people reacted (mostly my personal Facebook friends) who were taken aback by the infamous Lady at Target and all of her invasive questions. But the thing is, I am asked these things every day, every single time I go out in public, by multiple people. It's probably the fact that we have twins and they're such a novelty, and people are curious and also love babies. I get it. Every time I see a newborn in an infant carrier, I crane my neck so hard just trying to get a little sniff of that sweet newborn smell because I have no shame. 

But the thing is, it doesn't bother me. The questions don't. I mean, when I have exactly 12 minutes in Target to get 21 things so that we can make it home in time for naps, then yeah, I'm not too happy to stop and talk to a total stranger about my fraternal , different sized, apparently look like me, look like my husband, Jude has red hair, no they're not identical, twin boys. But it happens. It happens all the time, usually by elderly women who love babies, who are just curious, have no tact, and wear too much perfume. But such is life. It's unavoidable. I'm not going to become a hermit. 

I'm kind of used to perfect strangers talking to me, 1. Because I'm Texan and everybody knows that Texans view basically nobody as a stranger, and 2. I wear an insulin pump, visibly, and have for the past 13 years. People tend to ask about the red pager-looking thing oddly attached to your body. They're just curious. So, like when people used to ask me about my pump, when I'm now asked about my boys, I try to put on a smile, realize that 30 seconds won't kill me, and try to settle their curiosity with concise answers and politeness. 

That being said, here are the top 20 questions/statements I hear as a mom of twins, and my knee jerk sarcasm that I don't say to perfect strangers because I was raised better than that. 

  1. How far apart are they? I guess because Jude is taller than Wyatt, people assume they're Irish Twins. But, uh, they're definitely not (at the very least) 10.5 months apart. 
  2. Are they twins? Actually they're triplets, but I participated in the "Best Two Out of Three" program.
  3. Are they Identical? Do they look identical?
  4. Boys? Actually they're both girls but I put them in shirts that said Stud Muffin and Mister Sunshine for the hell of it. 
  5. I bet you have your hands full. You're literally the 78,000th person to say that in 14 months. 
  6. Oh he has red hair! Duh. 
  7. What are their names? Jude and Wyatt. Jude? Judah? Ju...? Yes. Jude. Oh! Like Hey Jude! (Then proceeds to sing Hey Jude.)
  8. Are they natural? 1. What kind of question is that to ask someone, who cares? 2. They're actually bionic. 
  9. Were you able to deliver them naturally? Would you like to read my birth story, or like a copy of my hospital bill?
  10. Do twins run in your family? Do they run in your husband's family? Would you like to see the family tree? I carry it around in my back pocket. Also, learn about reproduction. It comes from the mom. 
  11. You must be exhausted. This is exhausting.
  12. So, you got two for the price of one, huh? No. I got two for the price of two. Don't believe me? I literally don't remember their first three months of life and before I delivered, my belly reached Kansas.
  13. Do you think you'll have more? That's actually not your business.
  14. Aren't you glad you can be done now? That's actually none of your business.
  15. Did you carry to term? Yes. But why does that matter?
  16. Were/are you able to breastfeed them? Again. Yes. But why does that matter?
  17. *Any comment about their personality.* I'm so glad you have made those observations after glancing at them for 3 seconds next to the Vitamins. 
  18. Oh, he says "insert baby talk phrase here." I always wanted to meet a baby mind reader. 
  19. Is it harder having twins? I don't know. I've never had one. 
  20. I don't know how you do it. One day at a time, just like you. 

So, there's your dose of Friday Snark, and to all the people who said they can't imagine what I wanted to say, here it is. Happy Friday, folks! Have a most wonderful weekend.